The other Morning I woke up with the usual anxiety fed by fear where depression lurks around the edges just waiting to settle in. On top of that I woke before 4am tossing and turning while my little’s slept! Seriously what is with that. Thoughts regarding my husband, not nice ones, where starting to stride through my foggy brain. Shaking them off I grabbed my phone and ended up reading a blog by Madeline Bialecki titled A New Perspective. Her Blog challenged me to remember to change my perspective by inviting God and asking how he would see a person or a situation. The article also reminded me to remember that I too have sinned and God has forgiven and loves me. You can read more of Madelines article here A New Perspective.
I was still feeling grumpy and anxious as I got up to make coffee with my little’s in tow tugging and pulling and making their own demands of me causing my grumpies to settle in deeper. After I got their breakfast and my much needed shot of Java I opened up my devotional to Mondays reading. You will never guess what it was titled. The Proper Perspective. At this point I am starting to think that perhaps God is trying to tell me something. One of the lines in the devotional said ‘…we are here to exhibit only one thing-the “captivity [of our lives] to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5)’ (My Utmost for His Highest, updated version, 1995, Oswald Chambers, edited by James Reiman.).
Remember now I was feeling grumpy and agitated with my husband and my world. It is not my nature to be the quiet and meek woman that God calls us to be. I tend to be more the in your face, stand on my rights, offended kind of woman. In the privacy of my home. Yikes, I know. I have recently been convicted in my heart regarding my attitude, my actions, and my conduct towards my husband. I am raising children that I want to show Godliness in all situations. I do not wish to be the woman that causes my husband to be better off on the corner of the roof. I also do not want to raise children that disrespect their father due to my actions and attitudes towards him. I am and I have often been that woman. I have recently determined to be different, to be kinder, to be meeker, to have a gentle answer, and in all things to show love. If any of you have tried this you know that this is so much harder than it seems and that, failure is all to often your bed partner. I so often determine to be better and the next thing you know I am reacting the same way that I always do. However, on Monday morning before I had even had the chance to delve deeply into my anxieties and fears, my grumpies, I was given two reminders about my perspective in that moment.
I could choose to continue to see my husband and my life through my eyes and my perspective. Yes I could do that and typically do that very well. I could also choose to see my husband and the situation through God’s eyes and God’s perspective. For that day and in that moment I choose to do the latter. I am thankful that I made that choice. It put me into a better position to receive the bad news that my husband gave me latter that day. Oh the same old accusations ran through my head, the same old lines that lead to arguments, hurt feelings, frustrations, and words when spoken end in disaster. However, I was able to hold my tongue that day and keep a proper perspective. This allowed for more peace in my home and amazingly this also calmed my anxieties and kept my depression away.
Lao Tzu said “If you are depressed you are living in the past; if you are anxious you are living in the future; If you are at peace you are living in the present.”. Having struggled with Postpartum depression peace is something that I hope for and I have found that being mindful and living in the moment has helped a great deal. Perspective and how we choose to see things and the thoughts we allow to stay in our minds can really impact our mood.
I was recently given this poem Just For Today. I love it and I have found myself pulling it out often just to read it as a reminder to stay focused just on today. I wanted to include it as it is where the original idea for this blog came from. You may read the poem here Just For Today. I must admit that today’s blog has taken a different direction than I had first envisioned.
I myself will remember that just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle all my problems at once (Just For Today, Al-Anon Family Groups, n.d.).
I desire peace in my mind and I desire to change how I respond towards my husband and life in general. Recently I have found that by keeping my perspective Christlike I am better able to respond in a more positive way towards my husband. I have been less of the contentious woman that I do not wish to be and more of the loving wife I desire to be. I am still under construction to be sure. All I can do is keep trying to refine my character and to show kindness to myself when I fail. I have also found that keeping my thoughts focused in the moment and not beyond that day has helped me to be less anxious and depressed. Today I am grateful for those things.
Thank-you for reading my Blog today. I invite you to come back and read my next one. I hope everyone enjoys peace in their minds today.